The Real Visit of Caesar's Ghost
by Princess-Perfect
Summary: A different take on the night Caesar's ghost visited Brutus before the Battle of Philippi. Some OOC and historically incorrent details, but hey, that's the fun of a humorous parody!


The Real Visit of Caesar's Ghost

Brutus and Cassius' armies wereready togo to Philippi the next day. Brutus was in his tent and had quickly fallen asleep, listening to the music of his slave boy Lucius. He lay on his mat, drooling, and snoring quite loudly that it was a surprise that the music was still audible.

" Me-me-mee... _haww_... me-me-me-me-meee..."

However, he was woken up by a sudden chill that filled the air.

"Huh? Who turned off the heat?" he questioned, looking up with his blanket over his head. He pulled the blanket down from his face and squinted, but it took him a while to realize there was a pale, white figure standing directly in front of him. Brutus then darted up and fixed his nightgown.

"Ah! What? No, maybe it's just my eyes, they're weak." He rubbed his eyes, but the figure still remained there, though it was now looking impatient with its arms crossed. "Who are you? Are you some... demon-thingy or whatnot? Santa Claus? Wait, are you an angel, a God? Am I dead? Oh great, I'm dead! And I was so looking forward to giving Marc Antony a beating, and getting that estate on the coast with the vineyard I always wanted once this battle was over - "

"You're not dead," stated the ghostly figure.

"I'm not? That's good, because otherwise Cassius would have been really mad if I just went dead on him before going to Philippi. Who are you then? Speak to me!"

"The ghost of the person you killed, fool!" spoke the spirit. "You know, Julius Caesar? Obviously! Why else would I have these stupid daggers sticking out of me?"

"Oh, hi! Where've you been? Hold on, you're dead!" The ghost of Julius Caesar rolled his eyes and sighed at the stupid comment. "So if you're dead... uh... what are you doing here?"

Caesar cleared his throat, pushed out his chest to act intimidating and said, "To tell you that you will see me at Philippi!"

"Really? Gee, thanks for coming. I would have thought you'd be too busy since you're dead and all... So, I'll see you again?"

Caesar raised an eyebrow and stared at him in disbelief. "_Ay_, at _Philippi_. That's what I just said!"

"Okay, I'll see you there then."

The ghost watched him, waiting for Brutus to show any sign of shock or fear. He shook his head in frustration and waved his hand as if saying "I give up" and dematerialized. Brutus smiled.

"Aha! I sure showed him! Too bad I couldn't talk to him a bit more... I wonder what he meant when he said that he'll see me at Philippi? Hey, Lucius, did you see that ghost that was in here?"

Brutus woke everyone up, asking if they saw Caesar's ghost, but none of them saw it, nor did they believe him, but they did seem to believe that he was going mad. In the meantime, Julius Caesar reappeared in the Underworld, right next to the senator Cicero, who was playing chess with a headless Roman soldier. Cicero looked up at Caesar.

"How was the visit to Brutus?"

"Horrible!" huffed Caesar. "First he thought I was some demon, then he thought I was an angel and was freaking out because he thought he was dead. Then he asked me who I was, though I think you should recognize the ghost of the person you killed, and asked me how I was doing before realizing I was _dead_. I told him I'd see him at Philippi, which most people would consider a bad omen, but no, he thinks that I'm going to visit him there for good luck. Sometimes I wish you could have killed me, at least I would have known I didn't die by the hands of an idiot!"

Cicero stared at Caesar, shaking his head giggling to himself. "Poor Caesar! First you get killed, now you can't even scare the people who killed you because they're such morons!"

"I know... Hey, wanna go get Pompey drunk on cheap underworld wine again?"

"Sure!"

Cicero got up and followed Caesar, while the headless Roman soldier, not knowing that they left, continued to play chess.


End file.
